Christmas time can be a lovely time of the year, though it can also be an incredibly difficult time for those that are grieving the loss of a loved one. Those around you may be saying “Merry Christmas”, “Happy Holidays”, “Happy New Year!” Though the last thing you may be feeling is happiness. The mere idea of the holiday season may make you flinch.

Indeed, the season can be a wonderful time to count blessings and enjoy the excitement of getting together with those close to you. With an empty chair around the dinner table or one less gift, it can be difficult to want to celebrate.

You may be wondering, “how can I survive the holidays?” Counseling can help.

Grieving May Never Ends, but Mourning Can

When you lose someone, the feeling of grief may never leave you. It can be there as a memory of the loved one you lost. Mourning is different. It will one day end, but it may never bring you closure. “The notion that one mourns a loss and then gets over it, to the extent that emotions about the loss are not triggered in the future, is a myth,” says Psychology Today.

The feelings associated with your loss will often change over time. At some point, the intensity of your emotions will decrease. Though grief can last a lifetime, your mourning can one day end. Without active intervention, however, grieving can turn into complicated grief. What is complicated grief? “Complicated grief is like being in an ongoing, heightened state of mourning that keeps you from healing,” says the Mayo Clinic. A factor behind this is often feelings of guilt. It can also be a result of other complicating events, medical complications and emotional conditions.

Grief Is a Very Powerful Emotion

Grief is a necessary emotion that can help you process your loss. It arises because you lost someone you love permanently. It rouses an innate capacity that allows you to heal and let go. While grief is a necessary emotion, left unchecked it can develop into depression and anxiety. This is because when grieving, you can be overwhelmed by so many powerful emotions such as pain, fear, frustration, hopelessness, and helplessness.

These feelings are not necessarily bad, but these can lead to anger, rage, resentment, guilt, blame, fear etc. You may also find yourself experiencing numbness, disbelief, yearning, sadness and confusion. These emotions require a great deal of energy, it is difficult to sustain emotionally and physically. Grief can interfere in your everyday functioning and in the way you relate with others.

Can Grief Can Trigger Depression?

“People cry. They feel depressed. They’re having trouble sleeping. They may not have an appetite. They may not feel like doing anything. They may not take pleasure in anything.” Dr. Michael Miller of Harvard Medical School was describing someone grieving. Yes, grief has symptoms that are like depression and can lead to depression especially when you are predisposed to it, or you had a past episode. According to Healthline, “grief can be a trigger for depression,” although not every grieving individual will become depressed.

Can Grief Cause Anxiety?

“Anxiety is a common part of the grieving process, but if your anxiety symptoms do not dissipate after 6 months after the loss of a loved one, you may be experiencing complicated grief or an anxiety disorder,” says Kathleen Smith, PhD. Why is this so? The effect of grief can be incapacitating because of fear. You can fear the future, not knowing how to face life without the person who provided you with a sense of security. You can fear the emotions that you are feeling. You can fear the uncertainty of the future, especially if the loved one was your anchor.

Take note that fear can also result in feelings of vulnerability, seeing the world as unstable and unpredictable. It can cause you to feel isolated and lonely. It can shake your confidence as you lose your sense of security and balance in life. You may feel panic as well.

The Holidays Can Bring Back Grief

Since grief has no end, it will come back again and again. The pain, however, diminishes over time. Overcoming grief is natural. Though grief may change and overwhelm you, your ability to survive will allow you to heal from this painful experience. Despite the overwhelming pain, do not lose hope.

You can return to your life, though healing can be stalled for a while. You may feel guilty as you fall back into your old routines, reminding yourself that someone isn’t there to enjoy the festivities with you like they used to be. Holiday traditions may feel a bit painful at first. If you are experiencing grief this holiday season, seeing a therapist can help.

Count on the Help of Counseling

The Holiday season is a wonderful time to pause and count your blessings, delight in your family and friends, and have fun. Unfortunately, the activities and being surrounded by all the cheerful things can be painful reminders of your loved one. Thus, the grief you have for losing someone you dearly love and cherish may return, so that everything you do may feel overwhelming.

Do not be afraid. If the loss is recent, it is natural to grieve. The holidays, after all, are about loving and sharing with loved ones. If you lost a loved one, you will surely remember them more deeply now. If grief seems to be becoming complicated or it is interfering in your activities for the season, seek help from an experienced counselor independently contracted with Carolina Counseling Services – Southern Pines, NC. Call today to schedule an appointment.