No heartache can compare to the pain that infidelity can bring. This kind of betrayal is often viewed as the “father of all betrayals.” It can damage the foundation and the spirit of a union. The initial discovery can bewilder and shock the one betrayed, bringing up a broad range of emotions. As these immense emotions subside, they can be replaced by lingering pain as well as intense anger and loathing. The betrayer may feel as miserable as the betrayed.

Infidelity may not mean the end of the marriage. But it can destroy trust, respect, and affection, the pillars of a strong marriage that lasts. If you and your spouse believe in the sanctity of your marriage and your love is strong enough to sustain the relationship, you have to heal and move on after betrayal to continue being happy in your marriage.

Your Confusing Feelings

If you were the one betrayed, you may only feel pain, jealousy, and anger after betrayal. You may be consumed by your desire to get even, exact revenge, or mete out a punishment to your spouse. These are signs of your rage. While they may be justified, they can stand in the way of forgiveness and moving on or starting over again.

If you were the one who cheated on your wife/husband, you are likely to be overwhelmed by feelings of remorse, shame, guilt, and pain. Many think that you won’t feel the pain your spouse is experiencing, but a loving spouse who is unfaithful can feel unhappy, inadequate, inferior, deplorable, and just as wounded.

Betrayal has these effects on a marriage, regardless of who is the betrayer or the victim. The emotions that rush in after you discover a betrayal can muddle logic. It is important to go through the experience of feeling the emotions, but do not let them trick you into decisions or actions that you may regret later on. Instead, choose to resolve your issues logically.

Starting All Over Again

Wanting to stay in the marriage isn’t enough. The feelings and experiences must be processed to give way to authentic forgiveness, an important element in moving on after betrayal and starting over again. By talking about what happened, you both can learn many lessons. If there is too much pain or emotion hindering the process of moving on after a betrayal, it is time to bring in an unbiased marriage counselor.

Contrary to what many think, divorce isn’t the only door that’s available for you when betrayal happens in your marriage. Living together as a happy couple is the better option. You must, however, realistically accept that forgiveness may not come easy. You will both need skills to see the betrayal as a positive force to strengthen your marriage. You will both need support, as you may flounder in the course of rebuilding what was damaged by infidelity. You will also need to examine your feelings and prevent them from overwhelming you.

Remember that the days following betrayal can be long and lonely—don’t lose hope. If you are serious in your efforts to forgive and start over, in time, you will experience trust, respect, and love again. Though betrayal is heartbreaking, with the help of a caring marriage counselor, you both can bounce back to enjoy a stronger marriage.

Rebuilding Your Marriage with Confidence

Love is an important ingredient of every marriage. If it is still alive and strong in your marriage, don’t give up, but don’t just ignore the betrayal either. While you may be willing to “bury the hatchet” to save your marriage, bitterness may linger and poison your chance of having a genuinely happy marriage. This is a good reason to rebuild your marriage with the help of a counselor. Your forgiveness will be authentic, and you can also repair and even improve your marital resiliency.

Rebuilding and healing a hurting marriage after a betrayal isn’t impossible. It helps to recognize the value of having someone impartial in your midst. Family and friends can be staunch allies, if they can stay neutral. To avoid complicating your reconciliation effort, it is better to bring in someone neutral, non-judgmental, and experienced—an independent marriage counselor contracted with Carolina Counseling Services – Southern Pines, NC.

Betrayal is not acceptable in any relationship, especially in marriage. Yet, it should not be the lone reason to end your happy marriage. If you want to move on after a betrayal, make sure the experience will be not just be forgotten. Use the experience to fortify your marriage and your love for each other. Let a marriage counselor independently contracted with Carolina Counseling Services – Southern Pines, NC, make this possible for you and your spouse.

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