Going It Alone In Saving A Marriage

When you get married you often expect your partner to be loving, comforting and understanding. If this doesn’t happen for you in your marriage it can be really upsetting. Relationships can be complicated and if you are struggling to connect with your partner this can add an additional layer of difficulty. When this happens it is natural to think about couples counseling, unfortunately not everyone is open to this option. Many wait until their relationship is completely unmanageable to consider therapy. You don’t have to wait. 

Are You Both Concerned? 

You and your partner are different people, with different thoughts and feelings. You may be concerned about your relationship, however, your spouse may not be. It is not uncommon for one partner to be unhappy while the other feels blindsided when they learn about this. 

When bringing up your concerns you may feel invalidated or frustrated by their lack of understanding. While this is understandably upsetting, it isn’t uncommon. Starting to communicate your concerns and taking your partner’s “temperature” can be a good first step. 

Avoiding Avoidance

You are often better off knowing there’s something amiss in your marriage. This can be difficult to talk about, however, avoidance rarely leads anywhere positive. If you aren’t communicating about your concerns it’s unlikely you will work through them and find resolution. Communication and conflict resolution are difficult, therapy can help. 

If you are the type that tries to think through problems and situations, it’s unlikely you’d be content with just letting things remain as is. Unfortunately, not everyone is open to marriage counseling and there is the possibility that your spouse may not wish to engage in counseling with you. 

Individual Counseling to Improve Your Marriage

Even if your spouse is uninterested in counseling you can do something to improve your marriage. It can be easy to get stuck in unhealthy thought patterns and beliefs, such as “if they loved me they would do this” or “they should want to go to therapy with me”. While it’s understandable to feel this way it isn’t necessarily productive. 

When you find a counselor that is right for you, the work can begin. You can begin to address your concerns and hurts, finding support and validation. In therapy you can learn new ways to communicate your concerns and resolve conflict. It is also possible that if your spouse sees positive progress you are making they may also become more interested in counseling. This should not be your sole motivator as this may not happen, but it is a possibility. It is unlikely that you will regret focusing on your own personal growth. When we are healthier so are our relationships. 

Carolina Counseling Services -Southern Pines Office contracts with skilled marriage counselors and individual therapists who can help you and your spouse, or simply you, work to become better versions of yourself. You can go it alone to save your relationship, not the entire way but you can begin here. Call CCS to schedule your first appointment.

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