Marrying the love of your life is supposed to be a happy union of hearts that lasts a lifetime. That is, after all, the essence of the vows you made to each other. Looking back, you may wonder how you can recapture that moment and correct mistakes you made along the way. Alternatively, if you have managed to keep your love and passion ablaze, you may want to know how to sustain it, especially if new issues are arising that can’t be resolved.

After years of marriage, you may have realized that being happy together for life can be challenging. There may be many difficulties along the path. It takes more than love to have a resilient, happy marriage, though love is a good start.

If you are searching for the missing piece that will help you achieve your relationship goals,

start with marriage counseling or couples therapy. It is a positive strategy that can provide you the right tools to positively and fairly manage and resolve your marital issues. Counseling can help you learn to communicate better, negotiate differences, problem solve, and even argue in a healthier way. It can help you both process your experiences to contribute to the resilience of your marriage.

Seeing Conflicts in a Different Light

Differences and disagreements are normal in all marriages. A happy relationship isn’t built by avoiding these, but by experiencing and coexisting with them. Successfully dealing with critical issues and conflicts through the years can contribute to the resilience of your relationship. But when they are ignored or repressed, they can grow and eat away the foundation of your union, breaking your marriage apart.

“All marriages—even the very best of marriages—have conflict.” In fact, “conflict is natural, normal and inevitable whenever people interact together,” says life specialist Herbert G. Lingren. Conflict is normal for partners working to live together in harmony under one roof. There are healthy ways to resolve differences, just as there are ineffective or bad ways. How these challenges impact your marriage depends on how you handle them.

Conflicts that threaten a marriage may arise from differences of opinion, or from small issues that snowballed into bigger problems. This is why it is healthy to resolve these issues while they are still uncomplicated, and not shove them under the rug. When personal efforts don’t work in the ways you expect, it is healthy to turn to marriage counseling.

Couples Counseling: When’s the Right Time?

Because a crumbling marriage is perceived as a sign of weakness or failure, it is common for couples to keep their troubles to themselves. Usually, marriage counseling is sought in later stages when the issues have taken deeper root. While counseling may still help at this point, it pays to seek professional help earlier. This is the basis of premarital counseling—an education about the value of marriage that you can receive before tying the knot.

Recognizing that your marriage is in shambles and needs outside help is critical to address the varied issues weighing down your union. More important, however, is being proactive. This means seeking professional guidance to keep your interactions and communications positive, encouraging, and inspiring. This also means working to repair and resolve issues soon after an argument or misunderstanding.

People who wish to protect their relationships can seek counseling to address a number of issues, ranging from communication difficulties to clashing parenting styles to power struggles. Therapy can address many different aspects of your marital issues.

Communication: The First Gift of Counseling

A troubled marriage is usually characterized by the breakdown of healthy communication patterns and interactions. It is normal for most husbands and wives to make an effort to talk, particularly in the early stages, but it may wane as they become unsuccessful. This underscores the fact that miscommunication can make your marital issues worse.

Talking is important, but to successfully mend a damaged relationship, you must learn how to communicate effectively; this means listening as well. Couples counseling can help you hone your communication skills to rebuild and preserve a loving and respectful connection with your spouse.

Avoiding conflict by not talking about the issues troubling your marriage may just lead to their   building up and eventually erupting when they become “too hot to handle.”  This can lead to unresolved issues and may result in anxiety and/or depression symptoms.

It is healthier to face your problems with the help of a marriage counselor in a neutral venue. Fortunately, for loving and interested couples, effective communication is possible with the assistance of a caring and experienced counselor.

Resilient Marriages That Endure, Happily

A happy, satisfying, enduring marriage is a significant achievement. Attaining this relationship goal can be a challenge, but many marriages have shown that it is possible. What makes it challenging is the fact that there is no surefire formula for a happy, enduring marriage. 

Of course, many social scientists have studied marriage and come up with varying views about it. It is almost universally held that love is among the most important elements of a successful marriage. Nonetheless, love alone can’t hold down a marriage for long. A long-lasting marriage also needs respect and trust to complement the love.

Dr. Rob Scuka affirms that “the first insight is that a lasting marriage requires trust,” just as it requires relationship skills for love to be sustained and flourish. Dr. Wayde Goodall believes that a happy union begins with these 3 Cs: communication, commitment, and conflict management.

Building a Resilient Marriage with Help

When love is born, it is magical, whether it comes at first sight or it takes a long and winding path. For your union to work and to endure, you have to sustain this love with trust and respect, and also with communication and conflict resolution skills. If these sound foreign to you, it is time to enlist the help of a marriage counselor contracted with Carolina Counseling Services — Pinehurst, NC.

Achieving your marriage goal on your own is possible, but it can be a real challenge. A professional counselor contracted with CCS will not only help you see the issues with objectivity, but also provide you with tools to handle them better, alone or with your spouse.

No marriage is perfectly free from conflicts. Rather than allow them to weaken your marriage, use those challenges and experiences to develop resilience, individually and as a couple. Resilience will help your marriage survive and keep you together, happy and strong, for many years to come.

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