Bringing up children is often a daunting experience even for the most loving parents. Life with children is full of good reasons for parents to become overwhelmed. Who hasn’t seen a stressed-out dad losing his cool when his child starts throwing tantrums over a toy in the department store, or a mom scolding her six-year-old over his poor manners?

Children are notorious for bringing out the best and the worst in parents. There are times when you transform into a more honest, kind, and sincere person in response to your children. There are also occasions when you feel challenged like never before, tired, hungry, or frazzled, and the next thing you know you are overreacting – often being surprised at yourself after the fact.

Despite your good intentions, on occasions when you feel your children are thoughtless, irresponsible, or stubborn, your frustration levels can skyrocket and you may respond with inappropriate emotions.

The Dangers of Parental Anger

Children are easy targets for parental anger and frustration, and it is important to remember to not take your anger out on your child. Harm can come from some acts/behaviors that you can avoid if you know how to parent calmly.

Losing your temper can lead you to yell and use words you would not normally say to your children. Instead of targeting the misbehavior, your yelling becomes a personal criticism, compounded by messages of humiliation and ridicule. Your angry voice may not only point out that the child is bad, but push him or her to live up to that image. Moreover, studies show that children who come from families where yelling is a dominant practice tend to yell all the time too.

When they are often on the receiving end of your anger, your children may shut down, become violent toward others, act out at school, or become depressed. These actions may create a cycle of anger: your anger spawns reactions that create misbehavior, resulting in more anger. The effects of parental anger can hurt your child through adulthood, with increased degrees of depression, social alienation, and career failure. There are tendencies for the child to become more aggressive and noncompliant and less empathic.

Regardless of what triggers your anger, outbursts can leave you and your child feeling terrible. As a parent, you’re right to worry about damaging your children’s self-esteem. You’re right to feel bad about losing your temper over a trivial issue and regret your actions or words. The truth hurts, but accepting that you cannot always control your children can help you to take positive actions to respond and parent calmly.

Breaking Free from the Pattern of Anger

Very few parents survive their children’s adolescent years completely unscathed. Research suggests that even the best parents are only fully attuned to their children 30 percent of the time. However, by recognizing the patterns and triggers that push you to the edge and by learning how to handle your emotions in a healthier manner, you are setting a good example for your children to emulate.

Staying calm is the key to parenting a healthy family. Parenting without angry outbursts makes children feel safer, more confident, and well-adjusted. When you think about how your anger is hurting your children, it may inspire you to seek professional help; it is a worthy pursuit if you are stuck in this unhealthy pattern. Admitting you are having difficulties staying calm does not mean you are a bad parent. It means you have the courage to break free from anger and accept change. That is the hallmark of a good parent.

Get the Support You Need

It helps to have trusted friends or family members with whom you feel safe discussing your parenting issues, and they can serve as good sounding boards when you find yourself at your wit’s end. However, it is better to see a therapist when you need help parenting calmly.

Nobody cares about your children more than you do. The stakes are high when you ask for help. You can’t go wrong if you seek help from Carolina Counseling Services — Pinehurst, NC, where independently contracted therapists offer counseling to help you acquire the skills and tools essential for calm parenting. The right-fit professional is waiting to help you make the changes. With help from CCS — Pinehurst, NC, calm parenting is possible. Call now to schedule an appointment.

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