Carolina Counseling Services - Living with the Pain of Placing Your Child for Adoption
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Living with the Pain of Placing Your Child for Adoption
Placing a child for adoption is one of the most distressing decisions for a mother to make. If you’re considering placing your child for adoption or have done so, you may experience long-term emotional consequences afterwards. Approximately 90 percent of birth mothers who give up children do so with some degree of emotional pain, although it may be tempered by a sense of relief that your decision is for your own benefit and the child’s. You will move on with your life, but the acute anguish and sadness may remain.
Enduring the Difficult Feelings
Unlike the grief felt when a loved one dies, grief over placing a child for adoption is often complicated and continuous. It is a kind of grief that often cannot be acknowledged publicly, which is why many birth mothers suffer in silence. The first stages of grief—denial, anger, reasoning, and despair—don’t seem to alleviate the misery.
Over the years of separation, you may grieve over missed opportunities or milestones that could have been shared with the child. After the first years, you may feel mixed joy and sorrow. Certain times, such as holidays and anniversaries, may profoundly haunt you as they bring fresh pain and new wounds on top of the old ones.
To complicate matters, you may be inclined to bury these feelings. It is helpful if you can talk to a counselor. It’s difficult to explain it to those around you when you feel guilt and shame about having placed your child for adoption. You may fear no one will truly understand your circumstances. The negativity may lead to feeling unworthy or incompetent as a parent.
Even if you think that adoption was the right thing to do, you will be affected by your decision for many, many years down the road. You cannot avoid the difficult feelings and you may not be sure if you can live a productive life. Although the grief process is ugly, know that your feelings are normal and you are not alone. You can get help from supportive family, friends, or a professional counselor.
Coming to Terms with the Impact of Your Decision
Many birth mothers during the time of decision-making are unable to think logically. This is why Family Lives says it is “essential to talk through the alternatives with a trusted friend or relative and also to seek professional advice.” Whatever the reason for placing your child for adoption, you’ve made the ultimate sacrifice to ensure your baby has a good future. It takes tremendous strength to overpower your maternal instinct and make the decision you believe in your heart is best for the child. Only a selfless, courageous woman can do so.
While you are able to move forward, you will always carry that child in your heart. As a mother, you chose to give your child the kind of life you hoped and imagined for them. Instead of giving up, you headed down the difficult path to adoption with nothing but the love only a birth mother can give.
Easing the Pain of Adoption
This decision is one of the most critical you will ever make. It will have lifelong effects for you, your child, and the adoptive parents. You need unbiased advice from a caring counselor who is not a stakeholder in the outcome. You need a safe place to openly express and share your feelings so you can move through the stages of grief and achieve healing for your pain.
Carolina Counseling Services in Southern Pines, NC, contracts independently with adoption counselors who can help you make an informed and educated decision. You have the right to know and understand all your options. CCS in Southern Pines, NC, can support you in making the right choice and having a positive adoption experience. You can count on the help of a caring adoption counselor who will be there for you every step of the way. All the information you prefer to share and all the options you want to explore are kept in the strictest confidence to protect you and your child. Call now to request an appointment.
Confidential / Private Sessions
Carolina Counseling Services contracts with Licensed professional counselors/therapists/psychologists who provide a friendly, caring, and relaxed atmosphere in the Southern Pines/Pinehurst/Aberdeen/Raeford area. These independently contracted therapists/counselors assist adult individuals, couples, families, and children with resolving issues and getting back to enjoying their lives. Whether you are non-military or military, the independently contracted therapists with Carolina Counseling Services-Southern Pines are able and happy to assist you!
Serving Areas: Carolina Counseling Services
Counties: Moore county, NC, Lee County, NC, Montgomery County, NC, Richmond County, NC, Randolph County, NC, Chatham County, NC
Cities: Southern Pines NC, Pinehurst NC, Aberdeen NC, Taylortown NC, Pinebluff NC, West End NC, Seven Lakes NC, Eagle Springs NC, Ashley Heights NC, Ashmont NC, Five Points NC, Wind Blow NC, Jackson Springs NC, Whispering Pines NC, Vass NC, Cameron NC, Carthage NC, Eastwood NC, Lakeview NC, Narrow Ridge NC, Robbins NC, Roseland NC, Tramway NC, Troy NC, Zion Grove NC, Biscoe NC